Sweet Dreams
It’s late and I can’t sleep, too many thoughts are whirling around in my head, one being that I didn’t like the WordPress theme for the blog! I know a rather stupid thing to be thinking of when you’re in bed but what can I say… so I get up and as you can witness I have changed the theme back to the original more uncomplicated style which I was more than happy with! I like my goldfish, I like how he’s trying to escape from his goldfish bowl, a little like how I often feel myself! Gone are my creative days when I would spend ages designing themes from scratch for blogger, WordPress or Diaryland (I had to actually check that still existed it’s so long since I used that place!) I seem to prefer a cleaner simple look these days!
I am still having sleeping issues. I am trying to sleep without using the Promazine, it’s not working very well. If I take it I sleep like a log, if of course I take a decent dose of around 100mg – 150mg a night, often if I am feeling tired a dose of around 50 mg – 75mg will work to help get me off to sleep. If I don’t take any I am back to tossing and turning and a headful of racing thoughts. It drives me insane. Take tonight for instance I am tired, I’ve had no caffine all day and I’ve got my time for bed essential oil which smells divine but I cannot switch off the thoughts in my head long enough to drift off to sleep, oh and I tried a relaxtion CD as well!
Mood wise I have been a little down of late, I guess the depression has been slowly creeping back again but I expect the Venlafaxine to be increased again next week when I see Dr G. I am not sure if she’ll change anything else though, I am still happy on the Topiramate but am not overly convinced it’s working as a mood stabiliser. I feel that the four week gap between this appointment has been too long but that is my fault because Dr G solely puts it in my hands at making following up appointments and because I was feeling so well and slightly hyper last time I decided on four weeks, but it really feels like it’s dragged so slowly, I don’t think I will leave it so long next time.
I am also going to chase up the referral for the 121 psychological therapy appointment as it’s been by my reckoning five weeks since the referral went in and I was told there would be about a 4 / 5 week wait. It can’t do no harm to chase it up!
When I can’t sleep (and that’s more often than not) I listen to the radio (I use bbc 7 as it has plays etc on late at night) or more likely to a talking book. It occupies my mind long enough to let my body crash out and sleep and if not then I get lulled into thinking I have had more rest than I actually did.
I do find that silence is a real killer as it lets you brain go wild, and I know mine has recently with various events and though I still wake up in a cold sweat it is at least for a good purpose as selling the house, leaving a job, and relocating to be with the one I love is a sacrifice I am prepared to make but all the little doubts about my ability to do it surface at about 3am..
{{Hugs}}
Oh my, I’m so with you on the sleep thing at the moment. I’ve tried all my usual failsafes … no caffeine .. baths, yoga, books … I’m knackered but as soon as my head hits the pillow, my mind buzzes with innane thoughts. I’ve just been downloading relaxation podcasts and if those don’t work … it’s going to be whisky. Anything but the quetiapine I’m supposed to take ….
Sage’s point about the radio is good … I’ve used that before … listening to BBC World Service at 3am definately helped me get back to sleep.
Chasing up the therapy appointment definately sounds like a good idea. As does the fact you’ve recognised not to leave so long between appointments.
Will stop rambling here now … but for what it’s worth, I like your goldfish too.
x