Friendships

I was going to add this post onto the blogging post yesterday and it was going to be called “Blogging & Friends” but I realised it was getting way to long and confusing so I decided to separate them and post the friendship bit another day!

This is not going to make a lot of sense to people but I think it’s relevant to me in a lot of ways and it’s turned out longer than it was when I started it yesterday! God I can’t half waffle at times, please feel free to switch off or click your homepage – run save yourself now!

Bloggers are like friends they come and go often without explanation but that is life… my friend E recently in a drunken moment last week phoned up an old friend B. Someone she had been friends with for over 15 years and whom she considered to be her best friend during that time. But for 11 months B made no contact. E sent a card for her birthday and even to her twin sons with some money for there 18th birthday but never once got a Thank You and over time kept wondering what she had done and why she had not got in touch with her. By the time it got to December last year and E had surgery she came to realise that maybe the friendship with B had run it’s course and told herself if she didn’t get in touch by the end of the year then she would just assume it was over – however she couldn’t stop thinking about B! All the time I wanted to say ring her, ask her what’s wrong, drop her a line but I didn’t.

I couldn’t understand why B did this to her since we kind of use to be friends when I worked at the same place as E did. However B was always jealous of my friendship with E to the point she would have a major strop if I sat with E during our shifts at work, it got to the point where I didn’t even bother to try and sit with E and promptly sat on the end bank talking to P and having a giggle with him instead. It was easier and less hassle in the long run.

Then E last week phoned B as I said in a moment of drunkenness, to ask her nicely if she was well and why she hadn’t been in touch for so long. There was a moment of awkwardness then B offered to visit her the following week and a day and time was set. E convinced herself she wouldn’t turn up. Wednesday came and B showed but as E told me she was not the same person, she was quiet and didn’t chat as normal. When E talked to her B was cold and showed no interest but at the same time they had a little laugh but as E said it was just not the same kind of friendship, it felt stale.

B made her excuses and left a few hours later but promised to keep in touch but E knew as she walked away from the house that night it would probably be the last time she would speak to her or see her and resigned to the fact they have both moved on and that there long term friendship is over.

As for B, well having worked with the woman for 2 years I know she was a very jealous insecure person who didn’t like anyone or anything upsetting her routine. She sucked up to the management at work and one day was turned down for the job as Team Leader for our team, not team leader as in running a team just the person who collected the weekly stats and compiled the figures for the real Team Manager who in this case was J. B thought she was god’s gift to the Team Manager J and was forever sucking up to her, it was extremely nauseating to watch but highly amusing at the same time as well! E & P tried to get me to go for the vacancy myself but I didn’t bother since I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance against B. It was made even more funny when another member of the team D decided to apply for the position! B didn’t like the idea of someone else in the running but convinced herself that she would still get the job since J had almost promised it to her.

The day she was told she didn’t get the job as Team Leader she walked out in tears and the manager brought her a bunch of flowers the next day as an apology… even that was funny to watch. Secretly we where all happy she didn’t get the post and that D did, B was not a happy bunny for a long time and sulked by refusing to show D how to do the role she had been doing temporally for sometime!

B never liked me, she tolerated me. She didn’t like the fact I became close to E right from the start who offered me endless support during the first couple of months of my new job especially when my mum had her transplant and Sandy died all within days of each other. E was my rock and became my soul mate, E and me have had a solid friendship for 9 years and I don’t think anything can break that! I think E became close to me because she had daughter my age who lived down south. I suppose it was kind of like a surrogate mother daughter relationship.

I was aware from the start that B didn’t like my close friendship with E, so to avoid treading on toes and upsetting the apple cart at work we all just got along and after a few occasions of trying to sit with E during our shifts I realised we couldn’t attempt it since B was just too jealous to handle the fact or perhaps it had more to do with the fact that no one else wanted to sit with her! The only time I got to sit with E at work was when B had her weekly day off and that would be our fun day, we’d laugh and share the cold bacon sarnies that E brought in – that was the best times of my working life!

I was the kind of person who didn’t mind sitting on my own at work, I preferred it since I nearly always occupied the end desk and opposite me on the other end desk was P who claimed that corner as it was more suitable for his wheelchair. P was a funny guy, disabled but yet confident in every way and always made me laugh. He no longer works there now having taken ill shortly before I left but is still very close friends with E, yet me and P don’t talk now which is a shame but I still ask about him and he asks about me through E, how strange is that?

As for B, well I had the pleasure of talking to her in the week I left the job, actually I was sacked for taking too much time off sick – I hated the job it was repetitious and bored me shitless to be honest, it was also the start of my long term period of depression  – ironically less than a year after I moved into the neighbourhood from hell.

B telephoned me at home, I think expecting me to be really upset over being sacked and I was aware from the start she only phoned to pretend to be concerned so she could get the gossip and find out if I was planning on suing for unfair dismissal so she could report back to the management. I played along and at the end of that call she said “She would keep in touch”, she didn’t which suited me fine and I’ve never set eyes on her again which was 7 years ago this month.

In a way I find it’s sad that B ignored E for so long, now yes maybe she had some personal problems and didn’t want to talk but her sons could have had the decency to ring E and thank her for the money and birthday cards, problems yes ignorance there is no need for it. E still has close friends, she has me, P and others. Sadly E left the job as well shortly after me but we still have a laugh over what we did, the calls, the meetings, the days out and to this day even though I hated the job it will still remain one that brought me much laughter as well as tears. We can still read the scripts we said since we memorised them off by heart!

E is really the only person I have ever remained in contact with from jobs I have had, others who I might say hello to now and again I suppose are just acquaintances.

I don’t hold many close friendships, I would say I have less than 20 good friends, many of whom I have met through the Internet one way or another. Apart from E which by the way stands for Eileen there is Jackie who once bought something off me from my eBay sales in 2003, we have remained friends ever since, I would class Jackie as a best friend and a forgiving one since I broke off our friendship in 2006 when I was very ill but she forgave me. She doesn’t live to far away and so we meet up as often as we can, she also my travelling buddy for holidays and such like. I am lucky to have Jackie as a friend

Then there is Lindsay, who has been such a good friend in the 13 months I have known her and she knows it. I only wish we lived closer so we could support each other in our weight loss journey… maybe one day Linds we will get that break away together!

Yvonne and Inga in Switzerland who of course I have met once and am hoping to see again at some point this year! I’ve always fancied visiting Switzerland!

Then there is Vix who I’ve only met once but I will always have fond memories of that weekend in London and those mad moments on a certain Internet forum! Of course if I mention forums I cannot forget to mention Rachel

Then there are my Internet blogging buddies, Cat, Kirstie, Janey, Majdy, Emma and everyone who is listed in my blogroll and all those other blogs I visit!

Of course along with current friendships we have to remember those friendships that die, remember at the beginning of this long post I mentioned that I thought about encouraging E to ring B to see if anything was wrong, well do you have someone in your life who you have not spoken to for a long time even phoned them or emailed them… think hard and drop them a line to say hello – they could be wondering why you didn’t reply to them or vice versa, make the first move.

I’ve been there this past few months wondering about a friend who didn’t get in touch for a long time, I moaned about it to Lindsay, Eileen and Jackie but I never made the first move I just decided since she couldn’t be bothered why should I but perhaps it shouldn’t work like that and we shouldn’t assume that because someone has not got in touch it’s because they don’t like us anymore, they could of course be busy or they could be sick…

… so if it’s you wondering make the first move and contact that old friend.