Still Waiting

I’m feeling a little unmotivated to write much at the moment, I keep trying to put something together but there is little to share with you all at the moment that I’m comfortable with talking about right now. Mood wise I’m up and down but generally I am coping okay. I’m still waiting for my appointment to come through from the NHS for my 121 psychology referral and it seems my referral to the CMHT before my admission into hospital has been lost in the system, why am I not surprised about that.

It’s still been a busy few days getting dad’s house together for him to move into on Tuesday but its pretty much sorted now. The past couple of days have tired me out I got home this afternoon at 3pm and spent about four hours in bed! At least when this moves over, I’ll be able to focus on doing some things I need to get done over the coming weeks.

Mrs Mop

If I had balls, I’d worked them off today. I don’t know about the woman who had the house before dad but jeez she’d didn’t like to keep her kitchen cupboards clean or her kitchen in general! Although saying that the council should have cleaned it to a better standard before dad signed the tenancy but they didn’t, it was the same with my property before I moved in. Still at least I’ve given it my cleaning touch you can eat your dinner out of those cupboards now. I’ve scrubs those tiles so much so they gleam now although it took forever to remove all the splashes of curry stains from them!

Sadness & Tears

I’ve spent the day surrounded by bubble wrap, brown tape and boxes anyone would think I was moving house! I’ve packed up mum’s precious collection of valuables, I couldn’t trust dad to do it without breaking anything, it’s all but done now, I’ve ran out of bubble wrap and have a few items left to pack up. I’m tired, cranky and tearful my mood has well and truly descended into the depressions again as I found myself in tears last night, the first time in a few weeks. I’m motionless, pushing myself to get things done that need to be done but want to just stay put and do nothing till this passes.

I have my uncles funeral tomorrow afternoon in Liverpool and I am not looking forward to it, one because it’s the first funeral since mum’s, it’s only three months since hers and I’m dreading it if I am truthful. In fact just thinking about it set’s me off in tears. I didn’t cry at mum’s funeral, I held it together I had to for everyone else, I hate crying in public but tomorrow, I don’t know how I going to hold it together because the memories of mum’s passing and funeral are still so strong for me.

Frazzled

It’s been a demanding week with one thing and another which has mostly revolved around sorting things out for dad’s house move. Things are coming along as planned, the decorator has nearly done, and the electrician has finished the work dad wanted doing this morning. The carpets have been ordered at the beginning of the week, the cooker was delivered on Tuesday and the blind man is coming on Monday to measure up! Phew, I’ll be glad when he’s moved, of course I have taken it upon myself to take over and organise everything but at least that way I can keep a track of what’s done and what needs to be done.

Dramatic Differences

It was back to The Priory today, three weeks since I was last there and I think Dr G thought I’d been kidnapped and replaced by an alien replica lookalike when I bounced into her room and announced I was feeling so much better and I continued to chat away about everything that had happened in the past week and the positive plans I had made for the coming months… in fact in my own words everything is going so swimmingly well I’ll probably get struck by lightning soon!

The Topiramate has stopped me binge eating so we’re increasing the dose by another 25mg in the mornings so it will be 75mg in the morning and 50mg in evening – as of yet it’s not really doing much for the mood stabilising effects but the fact I am not binge eating has made an amazing difference to me and my self confidence! The Venlafaxine is being increased slowly and we’re going to 112.5mg and the Promethazine she’s allowing me to increase it up to 75mg – 100mg at nights as and when I need it for sleep, when I am overly happy / excited like I am feeling at the moment 50mg doesn’t help as I noticed last night when I lay awake till 4am tossing and turning with thoughts racing around my head and being unable to switch off. Things seem to be getting fixed gradually but the sleep and mood swings issues still need some tweaking here and there but I and Dr G have noticed a dramatic improvement in a space of three weeks. In her words I am glowing, I look happier and more positive! I’ll see her again in four weeks.